Empathy & Sig Others

Palomar · 2005-03-20 11:33:05

*As in "significant other" -- my spouse, for instance.

Does anyone else here experience -- frequently and routinely -- you and your significant other "reading" each others' thoughts? My husband and I have often been lost in our own thoughts when suddenly he or I will bring up a place to go or a plan to make or someone to visit -- and the same thing just occurred, abruptly and "out of nowhere," to the other person.

It happens a lot and is often amusing. I'll be lost in my own little world when he'll bring up a specific matter which just entered -- out of nowhere -- my own thoughts a few seconds prior to his saying anything. And vice versa.

I've also, 3 times in our marriage at least, had the seizure he didn't have. Not quite sure how to explain it, but Friday and Saturday I felt VERY "off-kilter" with an emotional upheaval, extreme fatigue and awakening each morning feeling as though I'd been beaten. Never experienced anything of this nature prior to being married, nor even in the first 3 years of marriage when he didn't have seizures. He was due, according to past patterns, to have a seizure some time this week; his VNS implant is working very well and he didn't, but I somehow experienced -- to a degree -- what he would have gone through. I've talked to other people (non-epileptics) whose partners have epilepsy, and they occasionally experience the same thing.

Also, when his seizures were at their worst 2 years ago, I'd often strongly sense the seizure coming on in the middle of the night; I'd partially awaken feeling as though I were wrapped in a smothering cocoon of confusion and dread, which I couldn't break out of and I couldn't awaken fully. Once I felt as though my head were being gripped in a vice. Struggling to break out of it alternating with desperately trying to ignore it, and never quite waking up until he had the seizure. Again, I'd never experienced *anything* like that until he began having trouble with seizures.

Empathy is a curious thing.

--Cindy

Shaun Barrett · 2005-03-21 20:50:18

Human perception is an interesting thing. It's not commonly known that the human brain spends as much time and effort filtering out unimportant information as it does processing the stuff it perceives as important.

There's a story which illustrates this point. A man moved to a small town because he liked the peace and quiet. However, the town hall clock would strike a loud 'bong' at midnight, causing the man to wake with a start soon after he'd managed to nod off to sleep. He thought he'd made a big mistake moving to that town until, some time later, he realized the 'bong' wasn't waking him up any more. Delighted with his own adaptability, he settled down contentedly to life in his newfound home ... Until ..! :;):

One evening, unbeknownst to the man, the town hall clock stopped - a gear had broken. At precisely midnight, when the 'bong' didn't come, the man fell out of bed, wide awake! He had become so used to the loud noise at the same time each night, its very absence had woken him up.

Neurological studies have found out why this happens. A stimulus causes an electrical spike in the brain. If it's a regular stimulus and the brain decides it's not worth getting upset about, the brain produces a negative spike at the same time interval, to neutralize the regular spike. In that way, a regular but unimportant stimulus is ignored and we literally "don't notice it" any more, unless we're asked consciously to do so.

Cindy, I think a similar phenomenon could be occurring when you experience a kind of seizure of your own when your husband doesn't. His attacks have had a certain regularity to them and must have been very disturbing to you in the early days when they happened. Naturally, the unpleasant stimulus in your brain would have caused major electrical stress-spiking. But, knowing you needed to remain calm, cool, and collected during these seizures, in order to be as helpful to your husband as possible in his times of need, you controlled your reaction by producing negative spikes at those times. In this way, you remained composed at a time of significant personal stress and were (are) able to be of maximum use - an admirable example of self-control and, indeed, selflessness.

Now that your husband's new treatment has succeeded in eliminating some of these attacks, when the time comes around for one of them to occur, and it doesn't happen, your brain is producing the negative spikes out of habit. This produces in you something like a stress attack similar in magnitude to the kind you have suppressed regularly for years when the real attacks actually occurred. It's rather like the man falling out of bed when the town hall clock didn't strike midnight.

This is my interpretation of your experiences, based on some reading I've done on this subject. But I hasten to add, I'm no expert in neurology.

Palomar · 2005-03-22 06:26:47

*Hi Shaun: Very interesting analogy. Yes, I see your point -- definitely. In that particular situation (which occurred again this past Friday and Saturday), it could be...and yes, perhaps very likely. That hadn't occurred to me before.

It wouldn't explain, though, the "auras" (that's what they're called) which others and I have experienced near to a spouse's seizure episode, though...but then I think those situations are akin to/along the same lines of some men claiming they've experienced labor pains too, when their wives were in the process of giving birth. I certainly don't doubt that some men can and do experience this, given the empathy link I have with my spouse.

--Cindy

Shaun Barrett · 2005-03-22 06:32:05

Auras? ???

Palomar · 2005-03-22 07:13:26

Auras? ???

*Hi Shaun: I didn't use that word in conjunction with part of my 1st post, but here is the description of it:

Also, when his seizures were at their worst 2 years ago, I'd often strongly sense the seizure coming on in the middle of the night; I'd partially awaken feeling as though I were wrapped in a smothering cocoon of confusion and dread, which I couldn't break out of and I couldn't awaken fully. Once I felt as though my head were being gripped in a vice. Struggling to break out of it alternating with desperately trying to ignore it, and never quite waking up until he had the seizure.

I do recall, though, having experienced 2 auras in the late 1990s, when his seizures were still spaced perhaps 9 months apart. But mostly I experienced this when they become more frequent, i.e. once every 3 weeks or thereabouts.

--Cindy

Shaun Barrett · 2005-03-22 07:47:04

Ah, I see!
Very interesting phenomenon. I hadn't heard of it before.

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#1 2005-03-20 11:33:05

Re: Empathy & Sig Others

#2 2005-03-21 20:50:18

Re: Empathy & Sig Others

#3 2005-03-22 06:26:47

Re: Empathy & Sig Others

#4 2005-03-22 06:32:05

Re: Empathy & Sig Others

#5 2005-03-22 07:13:26

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#6 2005-03-22 07:47:04

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