What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

Byron · 2003-11-04 13:10:57

Just got this in a round-robin e-mail...I just had to put it up on here....

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards.
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States. The following are this year's candidates:
1. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hub caps.
3. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found,and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
7. This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly,the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.

Maybe we really should kill off all the lawyers...

B

Palomar · 2003-11-04 13:46:26

"7. This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly,the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles."

*I suppose Merv "The Moron" Grazinski still has his driver's license too.

The lawyers AND the juries are the culprits. Sure, Grazinski is just a greedy S.O.B. who wants to capitalize on his stupidity. Actually, I'd be embarrassed as hell to take out such a law suit and publicize the fact that I'd done something so completely idiotic.

Some people have no shame, I guess. Well, maybe they'll be happy when the nation is bankrupt and we're all living at 3rd-world standards because of all these %@#!#)(* law suits, huh Byron?

Sure makes Americans look extremely foolish in the eyes of the rest of the world. Hold that thought: We don't care what the rest of the world thinks...yeah, I almost forgot that! Let's just all be stupid and irresponsible and juvenile. Yeah. Can't have anyone actually being ADULT and RESPONSIBLE in the U.S., now can we?

Maybe we should pass laws enabling businesses to sue stupid jurors who find in favor of folks like Grazinski.

Thanks for sharing it, Byron. Reminds me of the annual "Darwin Awards." Come to think of it, if Mr. Grazinski continues pulling stunts like that, he'll be sure to show up in the "Darwin Awards" too.

Some people should just get OUT of the gene pool, period.

--Cindy

Christina · 2003-11-05 12:07:47

I can thoroughy recommend subscribing to the Stella Awards newsletters - it will keep your sceptical levels nice and high!

(You might want to join the This Is True Newsletters too....)

Josh Cryer · 2003-11-05 14:49:39

Doesn't that make you wish you actually had Winnebago's that could drive themselves, though?

Palomar · 2003-11-05 15:05:16

Doesn't that make you wish you actually had Winnebago's that could drive themselves, though?

*My sister works at the original Winnebago plant in Forest City, Iowa.

I'm going to e-mail her that story. Maybe they can have a few laughs on the production line.

--CIndy

Josh Cryer · 2003-11-05 15:30:59

You know, I'm actually not embarrased to say this, but sometimes I fantasize and so on, and I could actually see myself doing what that guy did!

I'd be thinking, "Man, I'm tired of driving, I wish this thing could drive itself," put on cruise control, and go take a shower, heheh.

I wouldn't sue, though.

But I might screw with my insurance agency. I hate insurance.

clark · 2003-11-05 15:44:08

You may get your wish one day soon Josh. DARPA, those lovely little warmongers that brought you this, the internet, and by proxy, me , is holding a contest to develop a car that can drive itself for hundreds of miles. They wanted 20 competitors. They got over a hundred.

New Mars Forums

Announcement

#1 2003-11-04 13:10:57

Re: What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

#2 2003-11-04 13:46:26

Re: What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

#3 2003-11-05 12:07:47

Re: What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

#4 2003-11-05 14:49:39

Re: What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

#5 2003-11-05 15:05:16

Re: What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

#6 2003-11-05 15:30:59

Re: What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

#7 2003-11-05 15:44:08

Re: What's wrong with this picture? - - Sometimes you just have to wonder...

Board footer