New Mars Forums

clark

Member

Registered: 2001-09-20

Posts: 6,374

Re: Challenge #1 Crossroads

Once you have completed the Challenge #1 scene/story, please post here. If you wish for feedback, please include the "feedback welcome" request at the end or the beginning of your story.

Any contributions that do not include "feedback welcome" at the beginning or end of the story will be assumed to be work presented to the group for enjoyment only.

Please refrain from commenting on any scene or story that does not include a request for feedback. If feedback is requested, please provide your thoughts on what is offered.

At all times, be respectful and constructive in your response. Those who wish for feedback should allow for one week for users to make their comments before responding to any questions posed by others regarding your work, or before posing their own questions about their work to others. This is to allow the group time to evaluate your work on its own.

This is not a rule, but a suggestion. If you wish for a different method of critique, please explain what and how you would like responses to your work.

Remember, we are here to help one another. I also encourage those who take up a challenge to post your story to the community at large. But of course, the decision is always your own.

Cobra Commander

Member

From: The outskirts of Detroit.

Registered: 2002-04-09

Posts: 3,039

Re: Challenge #1 Crossroads

I started this but constant badgering about useless paperwork will likely keep me from staying in the right mindset to finish it today, so here it is in all its draftness. Or daftness as the case may be. 

"That's enough John, this discussion is over." Captain Farrel fixed a commanding stare at the mission specialist. The Captain was not a large or imposing man by any means, but what he lacked in stature he made up for in presence.
     Not that John Amery was one to be intimidated. "With all due respect sir, I don't think you're giving us enough credit." The English mission specialist waited for his American commanding officer to eject him from the room, but Farrel instead relaxed and waited for him to continue. "We have closed life support, we have two fully functional greenhouses producing enough food for over half the total crew without further imports, we have six fabricators and two reactors. We can survive for a very long time."
    "And we have orders," the Captain added. "I sympathise John, I really do. But the project is dead, the sooner we all accept that the better. You might as well start packing, we're going home."
    "Very well sir," John replied as the Captain casually dismissed him.
    Farrel sank into his chair after John mockingly saluted in his subtlely British fashion and left the room. Two years on Mars, wasted. Typical of government bureaucrats to lose trillions to save millions. the crazy son of a bitch might be right he thought, thinking over the points of John's plan despite himself. Of course it was crazy, disobeying orders, staying on Mars without further support from Earth, depending entirely on what they could provide. Madness. And yet, wasn't that the end goal of the entire program to start with?

Feedback welcome. Trash it, praise it, finish it, whatever. 

---

Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.

clark

Member

Registered: 2001-09-20

Posts: 6,374

Re: Challenge #1 Crossroads

deleted

clark

Member

Registered: 2001-09-20

Posts: 6,374

Re: Challenge #1 Crossroads

deleted

Cobra Commander

Member

From: The outskirts of Detroit.

Registered: 2002-04-09

Posts: 3,039

Re: Challenge #1 Crossroads

You have done a disservice to us all! Here you present the wisps of an engaging story, and then end it with real life excuses. For shame.

But you can make it up to us all. Develop this piece further. Take it from outside the office, because really, it just screams for follow-up. What happens?! What is decided? How is it decided?

Rest assured it is on the list of things to do and I agree with every one of your points of critique.

Time and mood permitting, I'll develop it further.

---

Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.

clark

Member

Registered: 2001-09-20

Posts: 6,374

Re: Challenge #1 Crossroads

deleted