Mars Frontier Novel - New web location

RobS · 2004-12-14 00:41:30

I just put up the first three chapters of volume seven. They can be reached at this address:

http://rsmd.net/MarsFrontier/7/index.ht … /index.htm

Looking forward to suggestions.

-- RobS

Ian Flint · 2004-12-15 11:13:33

I enjoy every chapter Rob.

I like the Top Secret feel of these chapters. It's nice to shift gears like that, and you did it well.

RobS · 2004-12-15 23:49:43

Thank you, Ian. I just added chapter 4 and maybe tomorrow night I'll get chapter 5 up.

-- RobS

Rxke · 2004-12-16 06:10:20

In ch 1, I thought Marshall talked a bit too much like an adult when giving his tour....

But loved the rest, esp. Laika, heh.

And a real cliff-hanger for ch 5 , great!

RobS · 2004-12-17 22:08:45

Now I don't remember exactly how old Marshall is, but I've met some fairly articulate ten year olds.

I've got chapters 5 and 6 up!

-- RobS

RobS · 2004-12-24 21:15:33

Santa Arrives on Mars: A Christmas Story

In 2045, Mars had several hundred children, several stores, and a modicum of prosperity. That year more people planned to celebrate Christmas than ever, and others decided to exchange gifts on terrestrial New Years (a more secular occasion for gift giving).

Santa Claus realized that a crisis was looming. He could not easily use his rocket sleigh to go to Mars and back to give gifts to the children there. Besides, the housing had no chimneys for him to climb down. It was time to set up a new operation. . .at the Martian north pole this time, which, while far colder than the Earth's north pole, at least had the advantage of dry land under the buildings.

So he designated Kris, his most loyal and hard-working assistant, to be the Santa Claus for Mars, and gave Kris a special rocket sleigh to deliver gifts to the children at all seven of Mars's outposts. The elves working for Santa were given the choice of going to Mars with Kris or staying with Santa, and a significant number (who had been taking space suit classes for the occasion for the previous year) chose Mars.

Even though the Earth and Mars were not close together at the time, Kris set out for Mars in a very overloaded rocket sleigh. He landed at the Martian north pole (not too close to the scientific station inhabited some summers; he didn't want to crowd the scientists, or the folks testing equipment for use on the Galileans) and soon he and the elves had a nice house and toy factory set up.

And ten sols before Christmas, Santa made his first appearance in the stores at Aurorae Outpost, Mars's central town. He alternated between the stores, so as not to confuse the children or give a monopoly to one store (and because there was only one Santa suit on the planet, and hired help is pretty expensive). And the children had a very happy Christmas (and New Year's, those who got their presents on that sol instead).

-- RobS

RobS · 2004-12-25 16:44:27

I just got chapters 6 and 7 up in volume 7, so enjoy; these are pretty dramatic.

And as they say in Hawaii, Mele Kalikimaka.

-- RobS

RobS · 2005-01-02 01:06:08

Happy New Year! I just got two more chapters up; nine and ten. They aren't bad. Is anyone reading?

-- RobS

Rxke · 2005-01-02 18:07:56

I'm not, for the moment, guess I'll download the texts and print them out to read afterwards, my time on-line is severely limited lately, aaarglll!

RobS · 2005-01-03 23:29:49

The chapters are now up through 13! I got some peace and quiet to proof read. It isn't bad.

-- RobS

Ian Flint · 2005-01-07 23:35:58

Still reading...

I like the story a lot, and I wish you would post more often.

Here's a little constructive criticism:

This may be my own shortcoming, but the only character I can really follow is Will. I don't know what Ethel does anymore other than watch kids, and when you mention someone else I have a vague impression that you have mentioned them before -- that's about it. I still have strong memories of Saxifrage, Anne, Arkady, etc. It seems like your story wants to be grande in scope like KSR's, but it's not quite there yet.

And my wife still says they all talk like nerds! :laugh:

RobS · 2005-01-08 17:50:17

Thank you, Ian. I am flattered you compare me with Robinson, but I am not in that league (as you know). I have not been very good with Ethel as a character and I have been trying to fix that lately by adding her to the story more (I'm writing volume 13). And as I said before, since I am something of a nerd, my characters will sound like nerds too! I have never been as good with character development as I would like. I am better now than I was ten years ago.I am intentionally trying to add more human interest material and especially more clashes and conflict.

-- RobS

Ian Flint · 2005-01-09 23:02:56

My wife just asked, "But, has he ever seen a movie? Doesn't he know how normal people talk?" :laugh:

I tried patiently to explain to her that nerds have no concept of normal human social interaction, but she just doesn't get it -- she must be normal.

RobS · 2005-01-10 20:53:26

Or she hangs out with a different group of "normal" people; my friends more or less talk the way I do, and most aren't nerdy. My characters tend to be fairly rational; but then, I suppose a lot of the people on Mars would be that way, too.

If there are specific conversations that could be improved, feel free to make suggestions. I usually need some proding to look at my text in a fresh way.

-- RobS

Ian Flint · 2005-01-10 21:21:35

I just figured the nerd thing out. One of the key points to a good story is contrast, right. I'm a business student, not a writer, but I've heard this somewhere. You do have lots of contrast in your story, especially in the religion area. I like it. It seems to me that you haven't expressed the Nerd vs. Casanova or the Nerd vs. Jock thing very well.

Maybe if you wrote some more background on the insecure inner thoughts of the nerd as casanova talks to his girl or something.

Here's a specific instance of nerd talk:
When the priest proposes to the nun. (See, I can't even remember their names. Greg and Ann?) The nerd talk is totally ok, but maybe Anna (had to look it up) should think wow, a normal girl would be insulted by the way he proposed, but it's just what I needed to hear. You know something like that.

Now, back to work slave! I need to read.

RobS · 2005-01-11 09:46:13

Yes, that's a good and useful suggestion. I have been trying to do political argumentation; liberal versus conservative. Also cultural clashes (European versus American especially, and some Christian versus Muslim; I am familiar with those contrasts). But what I am not good with is personality types; I can't put myself in the skins of people with very different personalities, though I can often guess their reactions. My strength is what I call "scenarios"; what technology or culture will work in what circumstances, and what they will do. The trick is doing something with the people also!

-- RobS

RobS · 2005-01-14 12:38:45

I have just added chapters 14 and 15 to the website for volume 7.

-- RobS

Mad Grad Student · 2005-01-16 18:54:54

Here's some hopefully constructive criticism that I can offer. I've poked around in several of the chapters before but have just now started to read the book front-to-back. It's definately an interesting read, but I feel as though it could use more colorful, vivid language than what I've seen so far. For example, instead of writing:

'Then the three men turned left and floated into the Ausonia. The first level down was a small room 3.2 meters across, stuffed with supplies for the trip out and back. The storage lockers narrowed the space to a mere 2.2 meters, not much wider than the standard 1.2 meter hemispherical access shaft. “Flare shelter,” observed Armando, and he was right; this was where they came if a solar flare exploded on the sun and sent deadly radiation their way. The packed provisions protected them from most of the particles.'

Perhaps you could write with more appeal to the senses, ie, here's an example:

"The trio turned left and effortlessly floated their way into the Ausonia. They were met first with a small, narrow room, barely more than three meters across and filled like a tick with supplies for the mission. The room's small size coupled with the plethora of goods it contained created a calostrophobic effect, and no one wanted to linger here much longer. "This must be the flare shelter," said Armando to finally break the silence. In the event of a monstrous solar flare or distant cosmic-ray burst, this was where the crew would huddle to protect themselves from the leathal radiation. The one-meter-thick layer of supplies should protect them from most of the less-nasty beta- and other charged particles, at least, that was the theory."

Obviously this can easily be taken a bit too far and the novel becomes practically unreadible, but I think that a little more sprinkling of metaphors, similies, and vivid verbs would really spice the story up. This technique is particularly useful for making strange, arcane topics like radiation seem very concrete and engaging. Well, that's my two cents anyway. Best of luck with the rest of the series, and keep writing!

RobS · 2005-01-16 19:02:55

I tend to get lazy, where description is concerned; thank you for reminding me! I really need to reread the entire text slowly and rewrite as I go. What you are getting is the first draft, cleaned of typos and (usually) inconsistencies.

-- RobS

RobS · 2005-01-22 01:33:56

I just found the three hours to proofread, edit slightly, and post the last four chapters of volume 7, constituting the "dramatic ending" of the volume. Enjoy.

-- RobS

Ian Flint · 2005-01-28 12:54:56

Good stuff. I can't wait to see what happens to Columbus 8. Hey, just to spice it up you should have an all Spanish speaking crew on say... Colon Nueve. :;):

RobS · 2005-01-31 10:28:46

Alas, my Spanish isn't good enough to have an all-Spanish conversation! French and Persian are the best I can manage.

Here's Volume 8:

http://rsmd.net/MarsFrontier/8/index.ht … /index.htm

I have seven of the sixteen chapters up on the web! They seem reasonably good, but please give me comments.

-- RobS

Ian Flint · 2005-01-31 14:21:05

Aaaah!!!
Seven?!

What are you trying to do, kill me?

Ian Flint · 2005-02-07 14:00:29

Ooo...oooo...
I hate to use my kid's sickness for others' entertainment, but...

You'll have to write in a diabetic kid on Mars. No insulin for treatment, a mad dash to produce it/extract it from animals. In a few weeks I'll probably have all the material you need, sadly enough.

Rxke · 2005-02-07 15:11:28

Finally, I'm online again.

I'll start catching up on the reading, for sure!
BTW, RobS, can you put whole volumes online, in one continuous file for easy downloading and printing out, or do you prefer not to?

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