You're a 1st Marsian Settler

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-08 06:05:58

Lo, the prophet Cobra came down from Olympus bearing these commandments, inscribed on robot-hide in the hand of the Almighty. So the prophet claims.

Mars is thy home and ye shall bring life to it in all its forms.

Thou shalt not print fiat currency.

Thou shalt covet thy neighbors goods, as it is good for the economy.

Thou shalt not persecute the Euthenians for they know not what they do. Taking of their land and supplies is forgivable for they have made it so damned easy.

Thou shalt drink only of the spirits distilled by they who have embraced these commandments.

Thou shalt build robots with larger breastplates that the rest of these commandments might be delivered from on high.

So was it written, so shall it be done. And from atop Olympus the heating waves did burn into the land, releasing much gasses from the regolith and did thicken the air. But though the prophet Cobra did labor to fulfill the first commandment the mazer delivered not the heat and burning to bring life to the land, though sufficient was the power to smite the Yu Knights who doth deny the prophet and these words. Behold, a trench was carved through the land in a sweeping arc around the mountain and its depth was two cubits and its width one cubit. The walls of the trench were melted to glass, that it may be filled with water when the work of the prophet is done. And so it came to pass that the robots of the prophet did go forth to bring life and order, and with guns did they meet all, granting salvation to those who did seek it and raining damnation upon the wicked. And the prophet did proclaim, all ye, people of Mars go forth and bring life to this world that ye may revel in warm breeze and sunlight. So it was written, so shall it be done. F**kin' a.

Palomar · 2004-06-08 06:45:12

I approached the bundle cautiously. Unwrap, unfasten...

It's Rik!

Grab his wrist, feel for pulse. A bit rapid pulse.

I hope his speaking English is as good as his writing English, because I sure don't know anything BUT English. :-\

He's either unconscious or pretending to be. I call his name.

{THUMP!} Food, water packets dropped in. I'll get them in a minute. Machine thing by the door begins humming. Not sure I want to approach that thing. Now a piece of paper (paper, on Mars??) is tossed in. Religious edicts from Lord Vlork...my god, he's really flipped his lid.

Rik? {{shake carefully}} You okay?

Rxke · 2004-06-08 12:17:52

Oh, thank goodnes, it's you!

(offtopic: i didn't sllep las t night, and 4 hours the night before, had jury today, passed, but dog tired, barely able t type, heh.)

(edit: make that: clearly unable to type, heehee)

Trebuchet · 2004-06-08 21:16:08

Trebuchet's Journal, Day Whatever

The most bizzare thing I've ever seen since, well, earlier today just happened. A robot drove by shooting at rabbits - not unusual ever since Cobra went off the deep end - proclaiming the coming salvation and with a bizzare pseudo-biblical message etched on its chestplate. This seems an ideal method of advertising, so I've been stunning all the robots I see and putting my own message on the back. I've gotten several of them so far on my way to the colony. I plan to set up a new dome for the bar and get the agreement of the rum-maker.

If he doesn't agree I'll see if I can get Cobra to declare drinking rum un-Martian or something.

Euler · 2004-06-08 23:45:12

Opened a bar with Trebuchet. Using the robots for advertising has paid off and business is booming. I thought of diversifying by making wine, but then Cobra's robots attacked (they seemed to think that I was French). It looks like I will stick to just making rum.

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-09 06:51:44

For behold, the Prophet did enter into the settlement encased in black armor that he might walk the desolate frozen plains. And behold, for robots did accompany the Prophet with the commandments of the Most High upon their chests and lesser decrees extolling the virtues of distilled spirits stamped across their backs. And the Prophet did order a straight shot of rum, and as the Almighty had promised that ask and ye shall receive, the Prophet did recieve the rum and saw that it was good. The Prophet then sampled the vodka in equal measure, and saw that it too was good, and there was much rejoicing in the land. "Behold, ye brethren of this desolate world," the Prophet did speak, "drink of thy mugs and thy shot glasses that ye may forget the troubles of this world and thus find solace." And the people did so. And the Prophet did continue to steer the people toward the houses of the spirits, that they might drink of their ales and hard liquors, and in so doing loosen their heathen minds and thus become more susceptible to the message of salvation brought forth by the Prophet. "Open yourselves to the spirits," the Prophet did say, "that the Most High might have his way with ye, which is the path to salvation and everlasting life." And the people did listen, and they did drink, and all felt the ringing of the Almighty's words in their heads the following morning, and did arrive late for work.

clark · 2004-06-09 14:41:32

Journal entry,

Success! At long last, success! I've been wandering back and forth, double backing, slipping down ravines, climbing embankments that seemed to go on forever. The radio is busted now, last thing I heard was Cobra proclaiming his godhood or something. That means I can't tell anyone yet what I've found. Not sure if I want to. Not sure if I will have anything to tell them. The old man was right so far, at least about the first marker. How he knew about it is beyond me, guess that empty ol eye socket saw a little more than he let on. Really wish I hadn't teased him about it.

The first marker is just as he described, an out cropping of rocks that appear to look like an upraised hand. I had to wait for several days before morning earth star was aligned properly. There's just barren wasteland out in that direction, but beyond that, the canyon. I'll know more if I can get to the second marker.

I've gone to far now to turn back.

Bill White · 2004-06-09 14:55:01

Radio Free Mars interrupts this broadcast.

Warning!

Attention all Marsians!

The alt-space DH-1 was up for patent and some fool published the schematics on the internet. Within weeks the Chinese were mass producing new Earth to LEO rockets at the rate of one per day.

Within 12 months expect 500 new settlers.

Within 12 years expect 50,000 new settlers.

Fight now, before they arrive. Otherwise forever hold your peace because the UN is sending the blue space helmets.

clark · 2004-06-09 15:21:07

Journal entry, updated*

Have managed to discover the cause of my malfunctioning radio. It appears some computer virus was spread via the orbiting Martian satellites. Looking over it's make-up, it seems to disable most Comm units, but it also seems to be intended to completely destroy robots too. Causes a severe malfunction in their behavior algorithms. If I'm not mistaken, they end up doing some kind of Jerry Lewis impression.

Oh, the French on the UN team are going to love this!

Bill White · 2004-06-09 15:54:52

Radio Broadcast by inter-Global Sports and Entertainment.

The first ever "Doing Phobos" jump has commenced. Even now our jumpers have fired retro-rockets on their personal space suits and have begun entry into the Marsian atmosphere.

One jumper, Billy Bob Campbell, has chosen to come in steep and deep counting on his Cobra-brand heat shield and Mundaka boots to protect him from the searing Marsian atmosphere.

Seven minutes of hell then its pop the over-sized chute and aim for a pin point landing.

Stay tuned sports fans, this is going to be fun.

Ian Flint · 2004-06-09 16:36:19

The monolith has begun to multiply. I initially thought it would spread out on the ground, but it has just gone straight up. I captured one of those Jerry Lewis robots and reprogrammed it to climb the monolith tower.

I'm sitting in a gondola hanging from the bottom of the robot. I must be a thousand kilometers up...beautiful view! The tower just goes up and up. There's no end in sight.

PurduesUSAFguy · 2004-06-09 18:08:29

Personal Log
1st Liberty Colonial Militia
Lt. Col. Zak Phd

Things here just keep getting stranger...I suspect that the UN is pumping halucinagenic narcotics into the water sheds that several colonies use! There are people who think they can parachute from phobos and others that think they are some kind of mesiah of alcholic beverages though (although he did provide me with some outstanding vodka which has improved my Mt. Dew).

Earlier today the hoppers carrying the 22nd Tharsis landed at our staging area and told us that there is some kind of black monolith out in the plains that is growing...I was given the cordinates, decided to play it safe and ordered my orbital rail gun batteries to delete it. Suspect it might be some kind of trick from the blue helmets.

We have collected 200 of these freekishly large rabits in the Hellas Basin, I decided the tropps need something for their esprit de corps so we are currently barbaqueing them. They are shockingly tender.

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-09 18:39:16

Listen ye, for the prophet has seen the tower of black piercing the sky from deep in the desert, and behold, a robot did climb the black tower carrying a chariot that the occupant might escape the coming salvation. But rejoice, for thy local militia hath smote the tower with heavenly slings, and the evil black tower did crumble. But beware, ye brethren of the red planet, for great peril approaches from beyond the sky. First ye shall endure a plague of frogs, which is to say more Yu Knights bearing cheese and wine, and ye shall rejoice in the smiting of them. But let not the pride of victory take hold of thee, for they are quick to yield. Beware, for a greater enemy doth follow to scourge the planet and overcome the red of sand with that of blood and communism. And lo, ye brethren of Mars, for tenacious warriors are they and also competetive in the manufacturing of thy goods. Prepare for war, the Prophet doth warn, but fill thy glass for tonight we drink! So it was written, so shall it be done. F**kin' a.

Bill White · 2004-06-09 18:51:01

Listen ye, for the prophet has seen the tower of black piercing the sky from deep in the desert, and behold, a robot did climb the black tower carrying a chariot that the occupant might escape the coming salvation. But rejoice, for thy local militia hath smote the tower with heavenly slings, and the evil black tower did crumble. But beware, ye brethren of the red planet, for great peril approaches from beyond the sky. First ye shall endure a plague of frogs, which is to say more Yu Knights bearing cheese and wine, and ye shall rejoice in the smiting of them. But let not the pride of victory take hold of thee, for they are quick to yield. Beware, for a greater enemy doth follow to scourge the planet and overcome the red of sand with that of blood and communism. And lo, ye brethren of Mars, for tenacious warriors are they and also competetive in the manufacturing of thy goods. Prepare for war, the Prophet doth warn, but fill thy glass for tonight we drink! So it was written, so shall it be done. F**kin' a.

Dude, be warned. The United Nations has dispatched their premier warship the Secretary General Hillary Clinton to smite thee.

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-09 19:14:30

And the Prophet did bid that the gathered people listen, and he gave them time to refill their glasses. And when the last glass was filled with rum the prophet did speak of a dragon which would come, disgorging Yu Knights from its belly. And the Prophet did speak of the shrillness of the dragon, and of the ruthlessness with which it doth devour its prey, and the people did tremble. Look to the skies, the Prophet did command, for the dragon shall come speaking words of peace and prosperity, but shall turn and smite thee with vicious barbs and furious anger. And behold, for ye will know that the dragon hath come to destroy ye, and conveniently shall it misplace the records of the deed. Look to the sky, ye brethren of Mars, for a foul serpent comes to prey upon ye, and thou must smite it before it may soil this world with its presence and bring ruin with its rule of darkness and treachery.

Trebuchet · 2004-06-09 20:29:58

Trebuchet's Log, some day or other

Buisness is booming more than ever before, and Cobra has come in from the cold and declared the back half of the bar his temple. Whatever. The lines of people coming in here has to be seen to be believed, and they are all boozing it up hardcore. The first batch of whisky has come out, it's a little rough. No barrels for us to scorch, after all, so it's kind of moonshinish.

I've approached Cobra with a plan to build giant microwave emitters which will cook incoming spacecraft. There is that automated factory turning out killbots, I mean advertising robots/Cobra's Conquistadors, which might be modified for the purpose. Thousands of them, all nuking targets in unison...

This whiskey's better than I thought.

Rxke · 2004-06-10 02:23:17

Log, whatever the day...

Fighting with my inner devils: I hear all that talk about C.C. The Saviour, but deep down inside I know he is just a dangerous Marsatic. Yet...

It is hard not to be tempted by his words, for he preaches a very convincing religion: alcohol!

After all, I'm Belgian, where I come from we have at least one pub in every street...

And I can stand everything but temptation...

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-10 06:17:02

And as the dark spectre of the dragon stalked across the void Trebuchet did say unto the Prophet despair not, for I doth have a plan. And the Prophet did listen as Trebuchet explained, and did speak of microwave emitters and the roasting of Yu Knights. And the Prophet did shout through the temple rejoice, for already doth the hardware find deployment upon robots for the fulfilling of the first commandment of the Most High, and the Prophet did say that the feature has become standard on the newer models. Word did travel throughout the land that the robots shall be on guard and ready, and they did turn a lense skyward that they may lay sight on the dragon and in so doing know where to lay the smite down. And the people did drink to peace, and did ogle the waitress for still were there far too few women on the Martian Frontier.

Mundaka · 2004-06-10 15:41:25

jounal Entry, Mars Date ___;
Dana has somehow managed to create an ergot based liquor, very sweet but dark and strong. We tried it after dinner tonight, if its good we think we might try to sell it to the the arrivals on M M Mars -- commies m m m m mostly but yesterday yellow horses persons flying wet mossy marshmellows penguiny letters were radioed left Cindy told the foaming little ones we many vomit ringing wow ZOOMMMMAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Bill White · 2004-06-10 15:50:56

http://www.rohanlounge.com/soju.shtml]Soju!

Made with NASA sweet potatoes having the rasp-1 gene splliced in.

Good stuff.

Palomar · 2004-06-11 05:09:51

{{{{ka-BOOM!!!}}}

Thank god Rik snapped out of his delerium in time! We both dived for shelter when that robot thing by the door blew.

Lifted our heads to a rain of debris, ducked back down...smoke; we're coughing, trying to wave the smoke away.

There's a big gap in the wall -- we're free!

Hurriedly we divide up food and water -- shake hands and prepare to flee.

Outside, in the corridor -- armed, helmeted guards charging towards us; they reek of alcohol.

"The blueberries!" Rik yells. I understand immediately.

Reaching into our pockets, we grab handfuls of the bullet-hard blueberries and scatter them towards the guards. They slip, slide, skitter on the blueberries -- down they all go.

Good luck! Rik and I call to each other. Don't know where he's going...I'm going to find my husband, then off to a more sober part of the planet!

Rxke · 2004-06-11 08:45:57

Free! Free at last!

Hmmm... Now that i'm outside i can...

*glances around*

Boy, if this is supposed to be what they meant by terraforming, i feel sorry for the Reds... What a mess...

Ian Flint · 2004-06-11 17:38:05

I'm just hanging around in orbit now. Somebody shot the monolith tower and most of it crumbled to the ground. I think it was trying to become a space elevator, but it didn't count on us all being a bunch of crazy recluses. A few pieces of it and my robot and I must have reached Mars Synchronous Orbit, so here we are just hangin' around.

Josh Cryer · 2004-06-11 19:55:55

A message left in several caches south of Albor Tholus in the plains: I am leaving Mars for good, the insanity has become overwhelming. I am now off to colonize the Venusian clouds using my high tech.

Mundaka · 2004-06-12 12:39:25

Journal entry, next day:

The colors have stopped singing, and we put the liquor way in the back of the liquor shelf, that stuff ain't going anywhere if we can help it. Aftereffects aren't too bad, except I see little trails on the perephery of my vision, and I can't seem to get the song Blade Runner Blues out of my head. For some reason the song seems to sparkle.

We have a surplus of corn (no ergot) and baby bunnies (non mutated) and we are trying to decide whether or not to trade with the rest of the colony -- reports are rare and full of static out here. I haven't heard anything about clark, so they must have gotten most of the insanity under control, good old Cobra: always level headed.

We're putting a sort of rover train together, built some trailers to haul goods and linked them together, all pulled by the rover. Had to up the power considerably to pull it off, used half of my solar power converters to do it -- and now it looks like a wall of dust is heading this way from the north. I'll have to figure out a different power source if this thing lasts for a while.

We want to get in touch with Cobra first to make sure all is well but I think I may have broken the radio during our, ah, litlle vacation, anyway its not working. Will try to fix it today.

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