A Party Pooper's Lament - Does he want some cheese with his whine?

Palomar · 2003-06-04 11:58:17

"Let's stop playing space invaders

Rod Liddle
Wednesday June 4, 2003
The Guardian

The planet Mars has just made a big mistake. Having spent the past billion or so years circling the sun free from outside interference, it has lately become complacent and, this year, allowed itself to drift a bit too close to Earth. Oh, Mars; what were you thinking of? As a result, the red planet is going to be pestered and probed to bits by the robotic devices of various overexcited, jabbering, Earthbound nationalities.
For once, we Brits have got our noses in front. Beagle 2, a remote-controlled dog with a long, thin, detachable penis called "the Mole" will land on the planet round about Christmastime and start to burrow beneath the Martian surface, chewing up the soil as it goes.

But there is still time for us to be beaten to it. The Japanese are getting in on the act, too, with their Nozomi orbiter. So are the Americans. Even the Chinese are planning a mission, possibly manned with what Chinese people call "taikonauts" - just as soon as they've sorted out Tibet and Taiwan and the Sars virus.

The Beagle 2 contains a Damien Hirst spot painting and a nine-note song written by Blur. So, clearly, it's party time for those crazy Martian microbes.

Mars may well come to rue its lazy orbital drift by this time next year, but at least the European expedition has the whiff of disinterested science about it. Nasa may well argue that disinterested science is the motive for its Challenger exploration, but there are plenty of people in the US with more profound designs in mind. They want to live there.

Mars, like Inverness, is bitterly cold and almost entirely devoid of atmosphere. Instead of air, they just have frozen particles of bad breath, ie carbon dioxide. I suppose, if you live in Nebraska or Illinois, this might seem an attractive proposition. But, of course, because these people are American, they do not simply want to go and live there and abide by the physical laws of the place; they want to go there and turn it into Nebraska or Illinois. They want to "terraform" Mars.

There are hundreds of societies and organisations in the US devoted to blundering on to other planets and turning them into hideous replicas of the worst parts of our own planet. And while they used to be regarded as nutters, this no longer seems to be the case.

Take the Mars Society, which has enormous big-business and union backers (including the US Plumbers and Pipefitters Union) and is regularly asked, these days, to contribute to the yearly space conventions run by the government. They had a Mars Society Week in San Diego recently, hosted by the city mayor. One of their biggest individual donations recently has come from "a British peer of the realm", Lord Camrose. The Mars Society says it is delighted that Camrose is committed to "extending the proud tradition of the British aristocracy in supporting brutal colonial exploitation". Actually, it doesn't quite say that and it does admit that Lord Camrose is, in fact, a former Daily Telegraph hack, Adrian Berry. But still, ?19,000.

What they want to do, these people, and people like them, is take the place over. Their mission statement contains the following: "The settling of the Martian New World is an opportunity for a noble experiment in which humanity has another chance to shed old baggage ..." To which those of us who have witnessed previous, recent, noble American colonialist experiments may be tempted to reply: "Uh-oh, not again."

But they've got all the science. They plan to kickstart life on Mars with hardy microbes known as extremophiles, move forward to certain lichens and Canadians, and then up the food chain to sentient human life. There are plenty of people prepared to pour money into such foolishness, and plenty of politicians to listen attentively.

There is even the suggestion that Mars, with its pathetic excuse for gravity, could eventually be a retirement home for the aged and infirm. Terrific. Just what we want: a giant Fort Lauderdale blinking redly at us from the heavens every evening, awash with weak tea and urine.

I hope they fail. Oh, I hope they fail. I have nothing against scientific exploration, pushing back the barriers. But terraforming? You know, I'm not sure that, as a race, we're in the right frame of mind for that stuff yet. I think we still have issues down here. Especially, if you'll forgive me, the Americans. So let Beagle 2 dig up a bit of sand, send back the results, and then either fall to bits or piss off and leave that beautiful red planet in peace."

***

That's quite an anti-American slant he's got there. Uh huh. ONLY American members of the Mars Society are pro-terraforming. And as if -ALL- MS members are pro-terraforming (I'm not certain all are). As for "noble American colonialist experiements": Pot - Kettle - Black, buster. How conveniently this old chap forgets England's colonialist experiments (thanks for the slavery debt, I really appreciate it! <sarcasm>).

--Cindy

clark · 2003-06-04 12:14:45

just goes to show you, even an ass can fart. :laugh:

Come on Cindy, America is everybodies favorite pinata these days.

Of course, instead of candy, only JDAM bombs come out when you hit us. ???

Palomar · 2003-06-04 12:19:52

Come on Cindy, America is everybodies favorite pinata these days.

*True. However, that doesn't excuse hypocritical finger-pointing.

I'm considering writing the editor of the online Guardian, in order to clear up the misconceptions and hypocrises this guy is spewing.

--Cindy

clark · 2003-06-04 12:24:53

Well, if you must, you must.

But why?

The piece is meant specifically to incite a reaction. Of course it's full of hypocrisy, half truths, and over generalizations- to approach the issue seriously is to validate the topic, which is expressly what the writer is trying not to do.

For what it is, that oh-so fun droll thing going for humor in England these days (still), it works. But as something to be taken seriously? I don't give the writer, or the piece that much credit.

Josh Cryer · 2003-06-04 12:49:06

It's a joke. I thought it was funny.

He was mocking how the Brits have basically no presence in space.

I mean, really, by generalizing and making silly comments about the US, he only puts the Brits in a much funnier, pathetic, position.

It's like saying, ?Oh, I got outrun on the jogging trail, today.?

...

?By a bunch of clowns with big read noses and lots of balloons.?

Palomar · 2003-06-04 12:49:23

Well, if you must, you must.
But why?
The piece is meant specifically to incite a reaction. Of course it's full of hypocrisy, half truths, and over generalizations- to approach the issue seriously is to validate the topic, which is expressly what the writer is trying not to do.
For what it is, that oh-so fun droll thing going for humor in England these days (still), it works. But as something to be taken seriously? I don't give the writer, or the piece that much credit.

*Yes, I know it was written to incite reaction. I acknowledged that very thing in the letter to the editor, and the fact that I would usually dismiss such a matter IF it weren't for the fact that Mr. Liddle's article did get published in a reputable news source...which lends him a level of power.

Yes, I know it was full of hypocrisy, half-truths and over-generalizations. But "silence gives assent." If I feel strongly enough about an issue, I'm not going to stand by mutely and allow such distortions to go unchecked, unanswered, unchallenged.

If he didn't have a level of power via being published in a reputable news source, I wouldn't have bothered. If he wants to criticize the Mars Society and what our purposes are, he could at least be honest.

And Josh, no, I don't consider this "a joke." Malice isn't a joke.

--Cindy

clark · 2003-06-04 12:52:09

I thought the part about Canadaians being slightly below sentient human beings was funny.

*Yes, I know it was written to incite reaction. I acknowledged that very thing in the letter to the editor, and the fact that I would usually dismiss such a matter IF it weren't for the fact that Mr. Liddle's article did get published in a reputable news source...which lends him a level of power.

Power is what you give others. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. I am NOT (sorry, I missed typed and dropped this integral word to the sentence) faulting you for it.

Palomar · 2003-06-04 13:00:03

Power is what you give others.

*Not necessarily.

Your statement can be true in some situations and circumstances, but certainly not in all.

Must get back to work.

--Cindy

clark · 2003-06-04 13:06:00

And in what situation or cirumstance would you feel it dosen't apply? Just curious, don't worry, I won't flame.

Palomar · 2003-06-04 13:28:08

And in what situation or cirumstance would you feel it dosen't apply? Just curious, don't worry, I won't flame.

*This is getting off topic, Clark, and I'm sorry but I'm not interested in getting into a metaphysical brou-ha-ha, beyond this:

Murder is an example. Forcible rape is another. Armed robbery is yet another.

Mr. Liddle's opinions were published in a reputable news organization, in a distinct and separate column. My response likely will -not- appear, and if it does it'll be just another letter to the editor mixed in with a bunch of others. Mr. Liddle has more power than I do in this matter.

--Cindy

clark · 2003-06-04 13:36:35

So power is derived from an ability to effect change?

Now this is on topic, how does Mr. Liddle's comments change anything?

Perhaps some readers will be affected, and decide that his words have merit, and his point of view is correct. Yet, perhaps they will not.

And this idea that you cannot effect change, so you are powerless seems a bit short sighted. You write your thoughts here, dosen't that have the same inherent power as Mr. Liddle's? How many here in this forum listen to what you have to say? Some of your threads seem quite popular, and I am certain you have received your fair share of praise.

Just something to think about I suppose, no real point.

Bill White · 2003-06-04 14:24:56

Cindy - you have been trolled.

Personally, I must confess that I believe there are some funny bits and the fellow did at least read the Mars Society website even if he willfully distorted the content.

Plumbers and Pipefitters as a leading sponsor? A drollish, trollish bonanza, if you ask me.

Take the Mars Society, which has enormous big-business and union backers (including the US Plumbers and Pipefitters Union) and is regularly asked, these days, to contribute to the yearly space conventions run by the government.

Only in Robert Zubrin's wildest dreams does the Society have enormous big business and union backing!

In summary - some bits were annoying, some were funny, most were flat out wrong, but being rather sanguine I suspect potential future space advocates may be found amongst the people who read this article.

= = =

Edit - on re-reading the piece I say the odds are 30/70 that the writer really is a closet space advocate testing the waters before he "comes out" - what are the odds that a non-droll plain vanilla Mars Society puff piece would be published in the Guardian?

Palomar · 2003-06-04 14:56:30

Cindy - you have been trolled.

*Hmmmm. I don't think so.

See, this article was published by The Guardian (online). I found it in the "Opinions & Editorals" column in the "Mars Exploration" folder of Yahoo! Full Coverage - Science section. For an internet site, that's a rather prestigious place to have your opinion aired.

I simply don't like the Mars Society being cast in the jaundiced light which Mr. Liddle attempts to throw on it/us. Either he is deliberately misconstruing and distorting matters or he didn't do a very good job of getting his homework together.

Either way, the record needs to be set straight:

1. Not all MS members are pro-terraforming.
2. Some NON-American MS members are pro-terraforming.
3. Not all *American* MS members are pro-terraforming.
4. I don't recall ever reading that MS members consider Mars an ideal place for retirees and old folks (!).

Etc. I don't like yellow journalism or misrepresentation.

But Mr. Liddle's article will generate more interest in the Mars Society (and likely more for the positive than the negative).

--Cindy

Shaun Barrett · 2003-06-05 04:13:48

For what it's worth, and in agreement with Clark, I defend Cindy's right to oppose the viewpoint of journalists who publicly express the hope that The Mars Society will fail in its stated objectives. (Not that Cindy needs any defending, mind you! )
The Guardian is a noted left-wing publication which, of necessity, must pass up no opportunity to ridicule America. I think the writer did his job well. It was really quite funny, at least to me. And he was subtle enough to include camouflaging insults against the Canadians and others in his anti-American efforts, too.

Given that most people recognise The Guardian for what it is, and don't take it very seriously, I think the commentaries of its journalists are probably harmless enough.
But, nevertheless, if individuals feel the need to respond, then more power to them!

Incidentally, I am firmly in the camp of the Non-American MS members who are pro-terraforming.

TJohn · 2003-06-05 06:34:23

I was ready to call the author of that article all kinds of insults. But, I thought why bother. Although, I do agree with Cindy. Everyone is on the bandwagon to bash America these days.

Josh Cryer · 2003-06-06 02:49:26

The reason one ought not take this satire seriously, is so that we can write stuff in a similar vain about them, and get away with it.

Of course, there would still be those on ?their side? who would take it just as ?offensively.?

I wonder how many people realize that for everyone thinking, ?Oh, they're being anti-American!? There are probably equally many saying, ?Oh, they're being anti-Europe!?

Nationalism, or basic pedestal-thinking, stinks.

At least I have a bigger... ahem... than all you guys!

Palomar · 2003-06-06 10:12:49

At least I have a bigger... ahem... than all you guys!

*A bigger what?

--Cindy

clark · 2003-06-06 10:17:46

ego.

Shaun Barrett · 2003-06-06 18:58:42

How did Josh manage to bring the size of his 'ahem' into all this?!! ???

Unless his .. ego, wasn't it (? ) ... is always what stands out most .. in his mind, of course.

Josh Cryer · 2003-06-06 21:34:07

Cindy, well, collection of CD-R's, of course! Over 200 gigs!

I won't say what's on them, as that would likely incriminate me (but it's not porn for you dirty minded people, sheesh). :;):

Clark.

Shaun, just a random statement about superiority. Everyone somehow manages to do it. Even I am quite guilty of it. :;):

In the end, especially when it's totally subjective, is it really worth getting all worked up about? I don't care if people in the EU think they're ?better? than me. And I think that people who do (but who get worked up over those sorts of issues in general) are just wasting their energy.

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