You are Dictator - of a troublesome Third World country

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-17 06:20:07

Inspired by the "You are President" thread, only without the constitutional restrictions.

So in the interests of including our non-American participants as well as just general amusement, you are dictator of an unspecified third world country. Have at it.

PurduesUSAFguy · 2004-06-17 07:01:19

In high shools I would start a program that administers an IQ test sophmore year. Those with an IQ bellow 115-120ish I would have taken to a 'feild trip' to a medical center where their valuable organs could be harvested and sold for billions on the international market. This would make our little country a hot spot for westerners to come and have procedures not avalible in their countries. With the huge influx of cash I would establish research centers for stem cell and gene thearapy research that could be done free of the restriction of in the united states. I would also declare my country a data haven, a place that doesn't recognize international copyright laws so it could be a server free for all.

Once we had a healthy flow of cash into my bank accounts (I am the dictator after all) I would start a crash prorgram to develop a cheap earth to orbit system.

Oh and my personal aircraft would be a Bombardier Challenger and I would have a garage complete with a Saleen S7, Ford GT, Lamborghini Gallardo and Murcielago, Ferrari Enzo, Porchse Carrera GT, and M-1a4 Abrams.

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-17 07:58:37

After again being elected First Consul of the Free Democratic Sovereign Republic of New Terrania by an overwhelming 99% of the vote, the following measures would be introduced or expanded.

1. Selling arms to regimes even more disreputable than my own for gold, which would then be minted into Aurics, a 1/2 ounce gold coin, and circulated. This also creates the awkward circumstance of having our currency accepted even in nations that don't recognize our government, and our currency being preferred to the US Dollar.

2. Virtually no regulations or taxes on companies conducting technical or medical research. We attract several newly created subsidiaries of Western companies, thus employing millions of our people, gaining access to cutting edge developments, and turning our tiny nation into a hotbed of innovation. Revenue would come primarily from sales taxes, 'service fees' of varying sorts, a small corporate income tax of 2%, and occasional piracy. Also, all government computer systems would run Linux, thus eliminating license fees and down time.

3. Reviving the Project Orion concept, with the intent of launching from the neighboring nation (Harassistan) whom we have had sporadic fighting with for decades, stretching back for three regimes. When our tests of 'pulse units' attract international ire and inspectors arrive, we give them the run-around before delivering a weapons declaration claiming that we possess self-replicating autonomous assault drones, flying dreadnoughts, cloned uber-soldiers, mutagenic spores, a brigade of the undead, and a small proof-of-concept deathstar among other lesser items. No one takes UN inspections of our nation seriously from that point, allowing us to proceed unmolested.

4. Training every citizen, male and female, in the proper use of small arms, military vehicles, and basic military tactics and strategy. Further, citizens are required to own a weapon, though carrying it is optional. Carrying of swords becomes fashionable for certain occasions.

5. Practice of impaling convicted rapists vertically on sharpened stakes altered to allow for greater public exposure. Widely considered a barbaric practice and drawing harsh condemnation from Amnesty International, but the people don't mind and First Consul Cobra has learned from past regimes to keep them happy.

6. Being more pro-American than our neighbors, thus assuring us of a steady supply of aid, favor and shielding from the UN, still hostile over the Orion program. We would be generally supportive of US policy and trade with Israel to foster this connection. American armaments would be highly sought, though Russia and France would likely remain our primary suppliers. Elite, black-uniformed Internal Security Service units get highest priority for equipment, as they are expected to do most of the fighting and must look good on the parade grounds.

7. When and if practical, use Orion craft to orbit the moon, landing a man who will claim it for the Free Democratic Sovereign Republic of New Terrania. After retrieving the landing crew, the Orion ship, named "Conquistador" proceeds to Mars to repeat the operation, leaving most of its supplies and crew behind before returning to Earth orbit to await instructions and resupply. Whichever agency, be it NASA, ESA, or RSA offer to provide crew transfer to the ship first get to be partners in the Mars endeavor. If none comply, we still have a bigass space station with nuclear bombs up in orbit and a desperate need to save face. The First Consul gets twitchy on the button, makes cover of Time and Newsweek.

Hmm, this isn't good. Must revise policy.

clark · 2004-06-17 08:54:02

How I came to rule the world in 6 easy steps.

1. Declare that forwith, the major export of the country shall be cute fluffy bunnies.

2. Begin a nation wide breeding program to develop a breed of uber-cute fluffy bunnies.

3. After satisfactorily developing the uber-cute fluffy bunnies, hire the law team of O.J Simpson, Karl Rove, and the P.R. firms used by Coca-Cola, Nike, Disney, McDonalds, and of course, the 2000 Republican party.

4. Use the recently hired P.R. team to develop and initiate a global marketing campaign that causes everyone in the world to want a uber-cute fluffy bunny.

5. Prior to shipping the uber-cute fluffy bunnies, inject them with a secret mind-enslaving virus that can jump from bunny to human via repeated petting of the uber-cute bunny.

6. Sit back and wait to rule the world.

Earthfirst · 2004-06-17 09:02:51

Whats your I.Q., think your smarter than every one else?
PurduesUsafGuy.
I.Q. is just your learning capicity, people with low I.Q can do just as well as High I.Q. You jsut have work with what you have, you cant change I.Q by studing.
People with 115 to 120 are smart, 50 to 100 are special needs. You sound like to me that you are a intolerant biget that gets off by sending hanidcap people to a concentration camps to be killed.
What kind of human are you, a monster?
Nazi, pinko commie!
In my country people that have an I.Q. over 150 would be sent to think tanks, to come up with better ideas for the world. My plane would be biplane, I would fire on people that are not workig hard enough.

clark · 2004-06-17 09:05:51

Mengala, or Mao. Take your pick.

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-17 09:17:04

Bulletin: The Free Democratic Sovereign Republic of New Terrania has just announced an import ban on uber-cute fluffy bunnies. Violators will be beaten to stupidity and sent to one of those organ harvesting countries.

clark · 2004-06-17 09:21:24

Resistance is futile. You will pet the bunny.

John Creighton · 2004-06-17 09:48:41

I would initialize the industrial, revolution buy encouraging local farmers to combine there racecourses and incorporate into larger companies. This would allow them to better utilize more modern farming practices. I would open up more jobs in the military but use military resources to improve local infrastructure. This includes roads, water, airports, sea ports, and communication networks. I would deregulate much of the economy. Set up grants to help locals start there own business and I would begin a national communication skills campaign. By communication skills, I mean reading and righting in possibly more then one language and computer literacy. I would also increase funding to education but I would focus the more educational resources on trade type skills then is done in the western world. Basically my first goal would be to help my country catch up to the first world.

And of course if there was enough infrastructure, physical and human capital in place, I would begin a space incentive with mars as one of its early goals.

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-17 10:10:28

Basically my first goal would be to help my country catch up to the first world.

A responsible, upstanding member of the world community. Admirable.

But us rogue states have more fun.

clark · 2004-06-17 10:29:11

. I heard before that LSD was orginaly created by the US millitary.

That's just a hallucination.

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-17 10:34:03

I heard before that LSD was orginaly created by the US millitary.

CIA actually, so the story goes. Supposedly it was used in a few assassinations, cover someone's steering wheel in LSD, it's absorbed throught the skin as they drive, hallucinate, fatal 'accident' and plausible deniability.

Which might be why secret agents seem to wear driving gloves in so many of those old movies.

clark · 2004-06-17 10:35:18

Which might be why secret agents seem to wear driving gloves in so many of those old movies.

Nah. it gets chicks.

Edit: i had quoted the wrong thing... :laugh: All better now.

Rxke · 2004-06-17 11:03:30

LSD was first synthesised by the Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann in the Sandoz (now Novartis) laboratories in 1938

(Wikipedia. I thought it was German, because of its German name...)

~Eternal~ · 2004-06-17 13:43:17

I would exchange oil for nuclear weapons with the US.

John Creighton · 2004-06-17 14:17:39

I chose to be dictator of a non oil rich non diamond rich contry. I like a chalange.

clark · 2004-06-17 14:20:01

What, Alabama?

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-17 14:26:19

Hmm, who should I point these new missiles at... Kim Jong Il, or Clark...

John Creighton · 2004-06-17 14:49:12

What, Alabama?

No, It must be third world. Maybe Albania or some place in Africa without diamonds or oil.

clark · 2004-06-17 14:55:26

I am protected by uber-cute fluffy bunnies!

Don't tell me yer an "Alabamer" Cobra. :laugh:

How many counties do you have to drive over to get a drink?

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-17 15:17:34

Don't tell me yer an "Alabamer" Cobra.

:laugh: Nah, Detroit.

Oh, sorry about them Lakers.

clark · 2004-06-18 08:55:13

Oh, sorry about them Lakers.

Why, did they lose or something?

Edit: i forgot to mention, I have a shirt from Detroit. It reads, "Detroit, where the weak are killed and eaten."

Cobra Commander · 2004-06-18 18:05:44

Edit: i forgot to mention, I have a shirt from Detroit. It reads, "Detroit, where the weak are killed and eaten."

And not necessarily in that order. Burning cars make great barbecue grills once the vinyl melts through.

Josh Cryer · 2004-06-18 18:39:20

If I were a dictator, I would abolish the government immediately.

deagleninja · 2004-06-20 06:32:54

If I were dictator......

I would choose a large island nation. In 20 years I'd have the world's greatest spaceport and nono-technologies R&D facilities!!

Cobra, do you want to be vice-chancelor?

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