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W1AW-4>K1CE: You have new mail, please kill after reading:
W1AW-4>K1CE: mSG# TR Size To     From  @BBS  Date
W1AW-4>K1CE: 5807   N  4200 K1CE M1ME W1AW 090308
W1AW-4>K1CE: K1CE de W1AW: at 2107z on 090308
W1AW-4>K1CE: 142 active msgs, last msg #5839
W1AW-4>K1CE: (A, B, D, H, I, J, K, L, R, S, T, U, W, X)>

Dear Mom and Dad, I know its been some time since I've radioed an email, but things have been really hectic around here. You know the saying, "Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned"? Well, I don't know for women, but apparently Clark really didn't like it when I told him I wasn't interested in black leather and lace, and now he's gone crazy! First he found a way into that underground radiation proof tunnel we dug -- the one where I kept my rabbits? Then he stole my rabbits and tore out all my plumbing (talk about a mess! He filled the place with raw sewage!) Took my cinnamon too.

Everyone says he tried to blame it all on Cobra -- yeah right, except for a few garbled messages (didn't stick around long enough to see them) CC hasn't been heard from since he set out to build himself a homestead, the way Cindy's hubby and Josh and I did. What is clark trying to do, start another Elvis rumor? It was funny when he started all that stuff about Martian cities -- he tried to blame that on Cobra too -- but now he's messing with our infrastructure. I don't know how clark got all that stuff in the rover, but then he took off with the plumbing, the bricks I was going to use to bribe Rxke and that crazy pagan cow of his.

I had to bring more of my bricks down to Rxke but then he went biserk and started squeeking -- yes, squeeking! He was so mad he sounded like a cartoon character breathing helium -- at me over the radio. Told me he couldn't help, that his keyboard was toast, yeah sure. Anyway I ran into Trebuchet, who was packing for the hills, and asked if I could borrow that catapult he uses to impress underage women. I launched a few bricks at Rxke's place, and got a real surprize when I heard glass breaking. Who would have thought his hab was so fragile? Speaking of Rxke, he wouldn't send any email either, so that's why I'm uploading to you via shortwave.

Cindy, meanwhile lit out for hermit country with all the medical supplies and veggies (fortunately the ones I *don't* like, except for the onions -- why did she have to take them ALL? Cindy hasn't spoken to me since I missed her birthday, btw -- good thing we built our homesteads in different branches of the canyon.) I decided by leaving she had the right idea and split myself, rumor has it Josh is building warrior androids and rail guns again.

I got an idea to try and capture clark though -- can't have somebody who has gone crazy on the loose -- by placeing caches on the path to Cobras place. I figured if he is stealing supplies I can track him by hiding RFID chips in the vitamins. Seems to have worked, but better than I expected: One seems to have made its way into the hilltops to the east of Josh's place, the other went towards the large mountain overlooking Cobras homestead. An hour ago there was a huge explosion on the mountain, and now the RFID chip seems to be broken -- no signal. Which one was clark I don't know. One thing is for sure -- somebody had a fight out here: smashed androids all over the place. Dana has the guns hidden under the mosaics in the kitchen, I'm heading that way now. Hope this email gets through, haven't used the shortwave for awhile and the power is low.

ADDENDM: Well, this message didn't go through the first time because I forgot the way packet radio routes itself back on Earth and totally botched that one -- luckily still have the message in RAM. Since I wrote the first part of this I've made it back home, Dana has the guns ready in case clark decides to attack, but she's not too happy about the kitchen. She also said she picked up Bill transmitting on the public band, said he was weeping uncontrollably and yelling about "Lizard Nazis" and drooling or something. She said she also heard something on the radio about dicktice running around with a flame thrower, determined to avenge the honor of overweight women from disparaging comments made about their bottoms by BGD.

The second RFID chip is working again, and get this, it went first to Cobra's homestead, and now its trailing Cindy! That one's got to be clark -- he's become unglued. I'd tell Cindy but she only answered me on the radio long enough to say clark was fine and trying to help the United Nations -- has she lost it too? Then her husband got on the radio and said to leave his wife alone or he would tear my pointy ears off. Has everyone on Mars gone looney?

I've got to get ahold of Cobra somehow, he's the only one out here who's still sane.

cmd: D
***DISCONNECTED

CQ: M1ME bunker one to M7CV bunker two . . .
CQ: M1ME bunker one to M7CV bunker two, come in bunker two . . .